he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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