drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it was like eating out sand paper
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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