when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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