I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
