I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can't put those talents on a resume
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
