He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
