apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
