no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
