you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
