i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
