Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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