I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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