Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
