a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
