Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
