So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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