pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
