I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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