just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
