3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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