I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
