apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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