U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
