You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
