fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
