I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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