he puts the penis in happiness.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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