i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
