just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
