You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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