look no pants
I am puke
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
