I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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