Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
