when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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