Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
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i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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