There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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