You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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