i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
