i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
