is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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