1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
