UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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