Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
