yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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