You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is Oprah even human
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
