Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
