I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
