I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
