so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
