he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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