all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
