i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
