Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
