I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Panties = found
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
