Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
