I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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