Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
