I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
