So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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