After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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