I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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