imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
