Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
