im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
