When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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