sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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